EYES...

For a moment I saw him there...
Soft eyes and a careful smile
Our gaze locked for a minute
My heart melted like ice.

Did he see it? I wonder...
My eyes gave away what my lips can't say
We sat there for an hour
Hoping to know if he still cares.

If I could only read his mind
To put myself to rest
There's something in his eyes
That makes me powerless.

To him, I maybe the monster
Who brings the hell out of him
Or maybe I'm an angel
Who keeps trying to save him.

An episode of long sleepless nights begun
To which I still dream he was by my side
And when everything seemed lost in the sun
He'll make me think twice when he looked into my eyes.

TYLER KNOTT GREGSON'S COLLECTION

I'm a big fan of Tyler Knott.  Once I started reading his works, I became hooked.  It's probably because we shared the same intense feelings towards someone that we yearn to be with....  

"I wonder how many," he whispered, glancing up, out, and beyond even the mountains in the distance. 

"How many what?" she wondered.

"More…how many more of these we’ll miss together."

The Pastel Fading of Early Summer Light (by TylerKnott)

I write every day

hoping that there is a chance

you will read them too.

What letters will fit

that form the words that tell you

how Much I love you?

How loud must I scream?

How long must I wait alone,

for you to find me?

Will those arms find me?

Will these arms wrap around you?

Will they meet here soon?

A bed is so cold

without you here to fill it.

A night is so dark.

Can’t you understand,

I don’t want another hand?

Can’t you see it’s you?

Longer the nights grow

and colder with it this bed.

Warm it. Light me. Now.

What will fill the dark

if not the light inside you?

What will shine on me?

Empty and hollow,

exhausted but waiting here

for your hand in mine.

Look close at my hands,

try to tell me they aren’t made

for holding you close.

Let’s just stay in bed

and we’ll let the day dissolve.

Let’s stay lost in sheets.

Can I trust these eyes,

when you’re still lying here and

the morning has come?

Grab tight the fabric

and wrap it in your fingers,

hold me close to you.

Somehow you bring out

the best of all things in me,

hiding for so long.

I hope you can see

how very hard I’m trying

to ease this aching.

I wanted your smile,

I wanted honest laughter,

all because of me.

It’s coming again,

the chill and frozen morning,

will you be there too?

Were I your shadow,

then come sunshine or moonlight,

we’d be together.

Visit http://tylerknott.com/ for more of his amazing collections

THE FLAME

Another night slowly closes in

And I feel so lonely

Touching heat freezing on my skin

I pretend you still hold me

I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep

I'm in too far, I'm in way too deep over you

I can't believe you're gone

You were the first, you'll be the last

Wherever you go, I'll be with you

Whatever you want, I'll give it to you

Whenever you need someone 

To lay your heart and head upon

Remember, after the fire, after all the rain

I will be the flame

I will be the flam

Watching shadows move across the wall

I feel so frightened

I wanna run to you, I wanna call

But I've been hit by lightning

Just can't stand up for fallin' apart

Can't see through this veil across my heart, over you

You'll always be the one

You were the first, you'll be the last

Wherever you go, I'll be with you

Whatever you want, I'll give it to you

Whenever you need someone 

To lay your heart and head upon.

Remember, after the fire, after all the rain

I will be the flame

I will be the flame

I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep

I'm in too far, I'm in way too deep over you

You'll always be the one

You were the first, you'll be the last

Wherever you go, I'll be with you

Whatever you want, I'll give it to you

Whenever you need someone 

To lay your heart and head upon.

Remember, after the fire, after all the rain

I will be the flame

I will be the flame

Whatever you want, I'll give it to you

Wherever you go, I'll be with you

And whatever you want, I'll give it to you

~Cheap Trick~

gusto ko padin isipin na andito ka lang sa tabi ko T_T

IF ONLY...

It's worst than I thought.

I thought I was getting better at this.  It only took one picture then all of the walls I've built came crashing down on me.  I can't sleep.  I cried and cried.  Morning came and I still found myself crying, wondering when this pain will go away.   I feel helpless... I want to give up.

The truth is I can't lose you but letting go is the only choice I have.  I know I can never compete with her. What our memories compared to the ones you've got.  But you're everything to me and those memories are the best days of my life.  I guess love isn't really enough.

Why can't I just throw all our memories away?
Why am I still holding on to you?
Didn't I give you enough?

I don't know how to get through this.  I wonder if it's better to leave this city and forget all about this.
I wonder if you could see my tears and hear me now... will you be able to sleep?

If only I could remove this from my system, then it will be easier to say hello to you everyday.
I'll be able to look at you even when you're with her without feeling hurt.
My friends could be happier around me and I won't feel like I've been left alone.

If only...

I WISH YOU ENOUGH!

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced.   Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said: "I love you and I wish you enough." 

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom."   They kissed and the daughter left. 

The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" 
"Yes, I have," I replied.
"Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?" 
"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said. 

When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?" 

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." 

She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory, 

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
 I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
 I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. 
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. 
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. 
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. 
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye." 

She then began to cry and walked away. 

When you look into your parent's eyes, you know that is the purest love you can find on this earth!  It is unconditional and they will always love you no matter what.  They accept all your flaws and they are the best friends you don't realize you already have since the day you were born.  You've learned the meaning of love because of them.  So when you go home tonight, give your parents a call or go see them personally and tell them how much impact they brought into your life and how much you love them!  Thank them for your life and for all of the sacrifices they've made for you.  Life is short, you'll never know when it will be their last...  

TAGPUAN

I took a long walk on my way home tonight.  It's probably what I needed to release some stress.  It's hard when you have to keep your feelings to yourself especially when you're too worried if he's okay or not. But sadly, I have to live with that.

Aside from that, I'm beginning to feel alienated at my second home.  There were moments when I tried to reach out to other people but they just shut me out.  I'm getting depressed at my workplace.  And when I get home, I keep watching HIMYM again and again just to feel good before I go to sleep.  Sometimes I imagine I was with Ted, Lily, Marshall, Barney and Robin... it'll be easier to feel that way.  I guess my anxiety and depression is really wearing me down.  If only I could run to him... but I can't so I have to live with that again! Oh well, back to my little adventure this evening...

So while walking, I decided to take some photos of the places where I never thought would be memorable. Forgive me but I won't elaborate more.  I just want to preserve those memories to myself and I hope he also remember those nights when we're still crazy in love... Boy, that was something!  And I'll be forever grateful for those memories!  And if fate permits, we'll have those crazy romantic moments again...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Do you remember the nights

We'd stay up just laughing

Smiling for hours

At anything

Remember the nights

We drove around crazy in love

When the lights go out

We'll be safe and sound

We'll take control of the world

Like it's all we have to hold on to

And we'll be a dream

Do you remember the nights

We made our way dreaming

Hoping of being

Someone big

We were so young then

We were too crazy

In love

When the lights go out

We'll be safe and sound

We'll take control of the world

Like it's all we have to hold on to

And we'll be a dream

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Nagbibilang ng sandali

Pintig ng puso ko’y bumibilis

Alam kong nadarama mo rin

Magkikita tayo muli

Parang batang kinikilig

Di mapakali at nasasabik

Mahawakan kang muli

Mundo’y ating iiwanan

Maaari lang sana

Dito na lang tayo

Sa ating tagpuan

Maaari lang sana

Dito na lang tayo

Sa ating tagpuan

Tagpuan

Ngayong gabi aking sinta

Sayo ang puso ko at kaluluwa

Pagkat ikaw at ako ay iisa

Magkikita tayo muli

Parang batang kinikilig

Di mapakali at nasasabik

Mahawakan kang muli

COME HOME...

If you could see behind the scenes, you'd understand that in time and space, 
NOTHING IS AS IT APPEARS TO BE. 

And you'd see that when someone seems to have been lost, 
they've really just reappeared, a little bit closer to home... 
and then you'll be pressed to wonder at the perfection of it all. 

Tallyho,
The Universe

I would like to believe that there's still a place for me in your heart.  That I haven't completely lost you.  That you're still dreaming to be with me. 

I would like to believe that someday I'll be found in your arms again... and we'll make a damn good couple living our dreams and enjoying the best days of our lives.  We'll have our little kuchi and achi that look just like us.  And when we reached our golden years, we'll sit on our front porch and we'll laugh at the past.  We'll stare at each other, hold hands and kiss like it was our first. 

Until then, I'll leave my door open for you.  Please come home... 

~One Republic feat. Sarah Bareilles~

Hello world

Hope you're listening

Forgive me if I’m young

For speaking out of turn

There’s someone I’ve been missing

I think that they could be

The better half of me

They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right

But I’m tired of justifying

So I say to you..

[Chorus]

Come home

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long

For so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

So come home

Oh

[Verse 2]

I get lost in the beauty

Of everything I see

The world ain’t half as bad

As they paint it to be

If all the sons,

All the daughters

Stopped to take it in

Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin

It might start now, yeah

Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud

Until then...

[Chorus]

Come home

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long

For so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

Ever known

So come home

Everything I can’t be

Is everything you should be

And that’s why I need you here

Everything I can’t be

Is everything you should be

And that’s why I need you here

So hear this now...

[Chorus]

Come home

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long

For so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

Ever known

So come home

Come home

SO CLOSE BUT STILL SO FAR...

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful 
than the risk it took to blossom.

~Anais Nin~

I remember how it felt to be free and reckless with you.  We were so natural, so easy, and a lot of fun.  I remember how warm your arms were and how your eyes flicker at the sight of me.  I remember everything. From our nonsense conversations to our silent fights.  From our silly jokes to our pinky promises.

I know where I stand now.  There was never a gray line, it was just a part of my foolishness.  But would you understand if I told you how I really felt right now?

I missed you more than words can say.  Every night before I go to sleep I wish you were here beside me.  I missed how my tiny body fits in your arms.  And when I wake up in the morning, I still look at my phone wishing you would send me a message that you just woke up.  I'm still frightened at the thought that you were no longer here with me.  Perhaps, you never have an inkling of how much I needed you.

For so long, I concealed my feelings for you.  Then I took a chance and it felt great knowing there was a part of you that feels the same way that I do.  But I forced the timing and there's a price that I should pay. Coming back to the shadows, it was tragic.

My feelings for you is too strong that suppressing it at this point is impossible.  But I have to try harder and harder everyday.  You may see me laughing and cracking jokes every once in a while, but if you would just look into my eyes you would see how much pain I'm going through.

You don't know how my knees weaken when you're getting close to me.  You don't know how much I wanted to say those 3 words and be able to look into your eyes and plant a kiss on your lips again.  I couldn't hug you or even hold your hand.  I wanted to run to you but I can't.  I have to stay away to make things right.  It was hard to watch you again from a distance but I have no other choice.  SO CLOSE but still SO FAR.

This song pretty summarizes everything...

KNOW YOUR GIFTS!

Many are satisfied to play with mud pies when they ought to be making angel food cakes.  Many are building shacks when they ought to be building palaces.

Dr. M.E. Dodd

The story is told of a man who bought a ticket on a cruise ship, then took a supply of cheese and crackers on board with him.  Throughout the voyage, he retreated to his room at mealtime to sit alone and eat his self-imposed rations.  Near the end of the voyage, the captain sent for him and asked him if he was dissatisfied with the food service on the ship.  The man said "Well, the food certainly looks fine to me."

"Why then haven't we seen you in the dining room?"  the captain inquired.  "You once were observed sitting in your cabin eating crackers and cheese."

The man said, "I only had enough money for my steamship ticket.  I didn't have anything left for meals."

To the man's great dismay the captain replied, "The price of all the meals was included in your ticket!"

This man could have been eating breakfast, brunch, lunch, high tea, dinner and a late-nite banquet on the Promenade Deck.  Instead, he had settled for a diet of cheese and crackers - all because he has failed to take advantage of what was available to him.

Many times we see our lives in the same way.  We shortchange ourselves and fail to grab hold of all that might be ours, if we were only willing to realize we possess a ticket that includes life's abundant banquets.

God desires for you to prosper.  His ticket to life is all-inclusive.  Enjoy the feast!

If ye then, being evil, know how to give gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him!
Matthew 7:11

~ This is from the book Dare to Succeed by Van Crouch page 268 ~

A NITE WITH SPONGE COLA!

Thank you Yael for inspiring me tonight... and for giving me goosebumps.

I'll keep my head up high and never give up!

Sponge Cola @ Ayala Harbor Point

Maybe someday... he'll be here with me and we'll both share a lifetime of happiness, and we'll love forevermore!  There will be no day that we'll feel empty or alone.  We'll find comfort in each other's hands when things get rough and when the nights get cold.  We'll wake up each morning with a big smile on our faces just because we have a new day to spend together.  We'll ran around the streets at night, get drunk and laugh loud like idiots.  We'll do crazy stuffs and we'll dream together.  We'll kiss and cuddle like there's no tomorrow.  We'll bring out the best in each other and our differences will make our bond more exciting and stronger.  No obstacles or problems or fights will be bigger than our love for each other.  We'll be amazing that everyone who'll look at us will be inspired. We'll be the living proof that true love is worth the wait!  True love exists!  And when we leave earth, we'll find ourselves spending eternity in heaven.

I am hanging in here now, I hope he'll get to me as fast as he can. 

P.S.  Please don't let me spend this Holiday season alone... it's getting colder, so I really would appreciate you running faster to get home to me :)

Pagdilat, 
Ikaw agad ang hinahanap sa umaga
Nasaan ka na?
Malayo ka pa ba?
Kay tagal ng iyong pagbabalik

Minsan
Nahuhuli ko ang sariling nakangiti
Malayo ang tingin
Malalim ang isip
Kailangang magkita muli

Chorus 1:
Sa pagpatak ng bawat sandali (bawat sandali)
Nakatikom lagi ang aking mga labi (ang aking mga labi)
Inaaliw ang sarili sa musika (sarili sa musika)
Nananabik makapiling ka
Makapiling ka

Pagdungaw, 
Meron kayang mabuting balitang darating
Ihahanda ang pagngiti
Kasabay ng pagsambit sa ngalan mo
Pagdating ng sandali

(Repeat Chorus 1)

Lalong lumalapit
Araw ng pagsapit
Di magkukulang
Laging nag-aabang

Chorus 2:
Sa pagpatak ng bawat sandali (bawat sandali)
Nakatikom lagi ang aking mga labi (ang aking mga labi)
Inaaliw ang sarili sa musika (sarili sa musika)
Nananabik makapiling ka (sa pagpatak ng bawat sandali)
Makapiling ka (nakatikom lagi ang aking mga labi)
Makapiling ka (sa pagpatak ng bawat sandali)
Makapiling ka (nakatikom lagi ang aking mga labi)

Pagdilat
Ikaw agad ang hinahanap
Sa umaga...

And I can't wait to feel this moment... and to hug you sooo tight... 

DEAR SEPTEMBER

Same room, same table, same chair

Same people, same work, same scenario

Everything is the same

Except for me and you.

I walk these streets alone in a cold September rain

I watched the glow from the pavement,

My heart remembers a familiar ache

I guess I would never learn to forget.

In the stillness of the night I cry on these sheets

I shouted for his name but he no longer hear me

I prayed and begged on my knees

I questioned God and blame myself for everything.

I tried to see the reason beyond this pain

I tried to see the world for what it is

And accept the fact that I am alone again

But never a day goes by that I didn't weep.

For months, I've been searching for another soul

But all I do is to burn bridges down

I hope that one day he would knock on my door

But all I hear is a deafening sound.

He no longer look into my eyes

He no longer walks me home

He said we're still friends but he no longer cares

Maybe he doesn't love me anymore.

And there was my deepest fear,

I don't know how to fix myself anymore,
I am lost in an old memory,

God please heal my heart and soul.

Here comes September, everything's the same

And everything has changed.

I am sorry for hurting you in all kinds of ways

I am sorry for I am still hurt and confused.

And there's only one echo in my head

It's you... my love, my sweetest mistake

But if you could only stay

If you could only reach for me again.

Dear September, I still miss you...

You're everything that I ever wanted

I'm sorry I know I shouldn't but I still love you

And I forever and always will...

BULLETPROOF WEEKS

Somewhere in between

The beginning and the end

September took the tourist

And settled in for good

We could hear the trains again

Brooklyn girls in scarves

Summer left and no one said a word

We'd open your window

And stay in your bed

All day 'til the street lights came on

So what happened to bulletproof weeks in your arms

What happened to feelin' cheap radio songs

What happened to thinking the world was flat

Yeah, what happened?

So up on 59th street

Right before the rain

Lovers catching taxis going downtown

I'm talking to what's left of you

And watching what I say

Counting all the freckles on your perfect face

You open your window

And sit on your bed

Just waiting for right words to come

So what happened to bulletproof weeks in your arms

What happened to feelin' cheap radio songs

What happened to thinking the world was flat

What happened

Yeah what happened to that?

Was I wrong?

Was I wrong?

So what happened to bullet proof weeks in your arms

What happened to feelin' cheap radio songs

What happened to thinking the world was flat

What happened

Yeah, what happened to that?

~Matt Nathanson~

TWO MONKS AND A PRETTY GIRL

A friend has shared this meaningful story that I hope everyone would take time to read, understand and internalize:

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were travelling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river. The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted.

The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. 'How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?' thought the little monk. But he kept quiet. The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her.

All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about the big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.

Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk, 'How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite”.

The big monk looked surprised and said, 'I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?'

[This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life. They irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away. We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why ? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river, that is after the unpleasant event is over. This will immediately remove all our agonies. There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over.]

WHAT CAN I DO?

~Another entry for Juliet...

Could you please tell me, what would it take for you to turn my way again? To catch you stealing a glance at me just as I turn to steal one from you. To hear you ask me how I’m doing and seeing your expression as you truly anticipate an answer.
You, asking me how I am. 
You have no idea of the power you have over me. 
But as suddenly as you bludgeoned me with it, you ceased just as quickly. 
Would I need to get plastic surgery or workout for a year at the gym to improve my looks? 
Or maybe get a million views on viral video sites?
Do I need to build a multi-billion dollar company so that maybe you would incidentally purchase one of the many products I sell and find my name on the label?
Must I write a couple best-selling novels that you would chance upon at your next bookstore visit and see my picture on the back cover?
If I wrote a few songs inspired and dedicated to you and sold millions of copies and you might hear one of those songs being played on your cousin’s speakers, would that remind you I that still exist?
If I painted a masterpiece of a painting depicting my deep but sorrowful love for you, would that grab your attention? 
I just wish I knew.
So please tell me, how can I make you glance my way again?

To feel the utmost joy of just reading your message that you'd just got home and you had an exhausting day and you’d ask me if I’d gotten home too. And then ask me again how I was doing. I’d never get tired of that.

I’d always say ‘I’m okay’ or ‘I’m good’ even though I lied most of the time. 
Because, honestly, you made me feel wonderful just because you asked.  
I'd succumbed to it. 
Thrived on it. 

So what do I have to do to make you attack me again? 
What was it that turned you away?
Do I need to become a famous actor and get on primetime television just so you would accidentally channel surf on the show I was featured on?

~Anonymous

THIS IS A SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE!!!

“Maybe it’s dumb to look for signs from the Universe.  Maybe the Universe has better things to do.  Dear God, I hope it does!  Do you know how many signs I’ve gotten that I should or shouldn’t be with somebody, and where has it gotten me?  Maybe there aren’t any signs.  Maybe a locket is just a locket, a chair is just a chair.  Maybe we don’t have to give meaning to every little thing. Maybe we don’t need the Universe to tell us what we really want.  Maybe we already know that deep down.”

I gotta admit, I really love Ted on this scene!  I am a universe girl.  I asked for signs.  Little things are big deal to me especially when it has something to do with my special someone.  But Ted was right.  "Look where it got me!"  

Earlier this year, I went into the Northern part of the country for a 4-days trip.  This is a perfect time to be alone and to contemplate on things.  I've prayed for God to give me a sign if the love of my life is the right one for me. The trip was nothing but full of adventures and fun and in between those peacefully happy moments, I've found what I've been searching for... a sign! I heard someone mentioned a name that sounds like his.  I also saw his name printed on the back of a man's shirt.  I told myself that if I went back on that road again and I saw that man with the shirt again... then it's true!  Well... you can't imagine how happy I was when that happened!  I was full of hope!

Weeks passed, then I remembered how my heart was once filled with joy when I saw numerous heart-shaped clouds a year ago.  I saw one again, right outside the top of the building while we were exchanging thoughts and laughing.  I said to myself, it was a sign!

And everytime I saw his name in the movie credits, in my news feeds, or even in vehicles... my heart skips a beat.  I keep telling myself that it is a sign!  A sign for me to hold on... to have faith...

But look where it got me!  

These signs keep on coming... and maybe they are not signs at all.  Sometimes we only see what we wanted to see.  Maybe I just want for the universe to conspire with me.  Maybe I'm too desperate to be with this guy that I forgot to look at the reality.  I've been consumed with this make-believe fairy tale story and not long enough, it broke my heart and left me devastated.  He's been a big part of me and now all I see is a big hole in my chest.

The truth is we don't need people or even the universe to tell us what we want.  Cuz when we ask for it, we silently wish it was the same with ours.  

And sometimes we don't need all the answers in our lives.  We cannot control everything. Sometimes it's better to relax, go with the flow and see where the road will lead us.  And maybe...in time, our deepest desires will come true!