HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (Season 2) QUOTES

Season 2 Episode 1: "Where Were We?"

Ted: You hungry?
Marshall: What's the point? I could eat some food...it's just gonna leave me.
Ted: Well, at least in that scenario, you get to do the dumping.

Marshall [about Lily]: I should call her
Ted: No, no, if you call her when she asks you not to, you're just gonna look weak and you're gonna regret it. Now listen, whenever you feel like calling her, you come find me first... and I will punch you in the face.
Marshall: You're a good friend Ted.


Season 2 Episode 2: "The Scorpion and the Toad"

Barney: This is the moment I've been waiting for. Starting tonight, I am gonna teach you how to live. Ted, you had your chance. You're out, Marshall's in.
Ted: Yesss!
Marshall: Oh god...
Barney: Marshall, being a single guy in New York City is like ... What's something everybody likes?
Marshall: Candy...
Barney: Yes! It's like being in a candy store! You just walk right in and grab yourself some Whoppers! Yeah! ... Is Whoppers the best one?
Ted: Mounds.
Barney: Milk Duds.
Ted: Gobstoppers.
Barney: Um...
Future Ted: This went on for another hour. Ahhh, just skip to the end.
Ted: Dubble Bubbles!
Barney: Nice

Ted: She's miserable. She's realized she's made a huge mistake, her and Marshall will be back together in a week. I love it!
Robin: Umm, no, you just want her to be miserable. The truth is, she's happy.
Ted: Trust me, I've known Lily for nine years.
Robin: Trust me, I'm a girl!
Ted: Yeah, but you're Canadian.

Future Ted: The thing about a hangover is that everyone has their own special remedy.
Waiter: Morning, guys! What can I getcha?
Lily: Shhhhhh.....bring me the dirtiest, greasiest Tuna Melt you got. And a milkshake.
Waiter: For you, sir?
Ted: Uggh....gravy.
Waiter: Do you want that gravy on something?
Ted: ...Surprise me.
Robin: I'd take you with gravy if my boyfriend wasn't sitting right here, hee hee! Just kidding, I'm good!
Lily: What are you so chirpy about?
Ted: She's still drunk from last night.


Season 2 Episode 9: "Slap Bet"

Barney: Your tomb stone will read "Lily Aldrin: Caring wife, Loving friend and Slap Bet Commissioner." 

Marshall: And on Barney's grave, it'll read: "Got slapped so hard by Marshall, he died." 

Ted: You're scared of the seven dwarves?
Robin: Just of Doc. He's creepy... I mean, the guy went to medical school, what is he doing living with six coal miners.

Ted Mosby: Wha... I don't get it! Why won't Robin tell me why she hates malls? 
Barney: Ted, you should be happy Robin has a secret. The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal "Ohhh..." moment. 
Marshall: The "Ohhh..." moment? 
Barney: Yeah. That moment when you find out that one detail about a person that is going to be a deal-breaker. 

Season 2 Episode 11: "How Lily Stole Christmas"

Ted: Do you have a cold? 
Barney: I'm fine! My nose was just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out. 

Barney: ...it's gonna be legen- wait for it-... 
[he falls asleep] 
Barney: ....


Season 2 Episode 13: "Columns"
Barney: In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story!


Season 2 Episode 14: "Monday Night Football"
Barney: I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it. Buck naked! Yeah! It's going to be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies! 
[high-pitched] 
Barney: What uuuuup! 

Barney: High five! 
Ted: Dude, we're at a wake. 
Barney: Sorry. Solemn, low five. 


Season 2 Episode 15: "Lucky Penny"

Barney [about how easy it is to run a marathon]: Step one, you start running. There is no step two.

Season 2 Episode 22: "Something Blue"
Lily: We should come up with a whole new last name.
Marshall: Oh, that's easy; Lily and Marshall Skywalker.
Lily: Lily and Marshall Hasselhoff.
Marshall: Oh, got it. Lily and Marshall Awesome. Have you met our children, our son Totally and our daughter Freaking?